The Premier League returned this weekend and after some dramatic results across the 10 fixtures, it’s time for those way-too-early and completely-over-the-top hot takes to roll in.
So with that in mind, here are seven of those that you may have already heard on the back of those first round of results.
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ARSENAL ARE GETTING RELEGATED
“They’re terrible aren’t they? They just spent £50m on a defender who can’t even defend? When will they learn? Honestly mate, I hope they get relegated. It will be hilarious.”
Well, Arsenal have started very poorly and the £50m spent on Ben White looks even more ridiculous now than it did at the time, but no, Arsenal are not going to get relegated. There are far too many poor teams in the league this season for that to happen. Mikel Arteta has the potential to be a great young manager but the club’s recruitment has continuously hamstrung him, and his predecessors, during his tenure. They’ve got their best two players still to return in Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang and Alexandre Lacazette and are looking to bring in a new No.10. They’ll survive.
BRENTFORD WILL FINISH IN THE TOP SIX
“Wow, Brentford were so good. They’re a real breath of fresh air. I watched them in the Championship the last few seasons and always said they would be more suited to the Premier League. Top six minimum for me this season.”
It was a great start from Brentford but how often do we see a promoted club started their Premier League debut playing like Brazil? Arsenal were the perfect sized fish for them to fry. A big club who will roll over and show their tummies at the first sign of a threat. There’s not a single team you couldn’t see beating Arsenal at one point or another this season. Brentford were very good, and they did their homework, but they will still be dragged into some sort of relegation scrap and survival will be celebrated just as hard as finishing in the top six.
POGBA WILL LEAD UNITED TO THE TITLE
“Pogba, mate. More like PogBACK… get it? No? Ahh never mind… Yeah, no, I just think he’s finally he’s showing his France form for his club now Ole has him playing in his favoured position. They’ll win the league for sure.”
Paul Pogba was absolutely brilliant on Saturday night (AEST). The whole of the Manchester United team were. They chewed Leeds up and spat them out and Pogba was central to all of it. We all hope we will be able to enjoy those types of performances all year round but it’ll be a ‘believe it when we see it’ thing unfortunately. Pogba has promised so much during his time back at Old Trafford and injuries and loss of form have disrupted him. Manchester United still aren’t favourites despite a such a stunning start, there are still 37 games left to go, yet.
LEEDS MUST SACK BIELSA
“I don’t get all the hype around this bucket-sitting fool. He hasn’t learned! Why did Leeds give him another contract. He’s been hammered twice at Old Trafford and looks clueless as to how to defend.”
Anyone saying Marcelo Bielsa should be sacked has clearly only just finished watching their first football match. Manchester United would have torn most teams to shreds the way they played on the weekend and Bielsa is one of the sharpest minds in the game. He got Leeds back to the Premier League and then managed to make sure they weren’t even ever mentioned in the same sentence as ‘relegation’ last year. He’ll get Leeds looking even better this year. And it’s not that he can’t do it against a Man United. Anyone remember his Athletic Bilbao team coming to Old Trafford and knocking off Sir Alex Ferguson’s side?
SPURS DON’T EVEN NEED HARRY KANE!
“They should just sell Kane and sign some more players. Imagine who you could get with £160m! Spurs are better off without him, they just beat the champions for goodness sake!”
Yes, they did beat the Premier League champions without Harry Kane and Spurs are still a good side without him. They’re just much better with him. Anyone would miss Kane from their team, especially one that has been so reliant on his as Spurs over the last five years. Where would they have finished without him last year? Sitting back, defending and then hitting City on the break with pacy attackers is a sure-fire way to give yourself a chance of beating them, which is why new Spurs boss Nuno Espirito Santo managed to get the best of them so many times as Wolves manager too. Despite the narrative, this result had nothing to do with Kane.
WHY DID CITY BUY GREALISH? WHAT A WASTE OF MONEY
“Why did they even sign him? They’ve got plenty of players in that position! City need to spend big on a striker, a central midfielder and a left back if they’ll have any chance this season!”
Well, they signed him because he is one of the best players in the league and one who will thrive under Pep Guardiola. They paid £100m because that is the going rate for a player of that ilk who also happens to be English. Yes, they probably do need a striker, but they won the league last year without one. Similarly, without a left back. They have spent big in both positions in £50m Benjamin Mendy and £27m Gabriel Jesus. They’ve still got a better team than they did last year and last year they won the league by a massive 12 points.
BENITEZ BLEEDS BLUE NOW
“Yes Rafa, lad! I told you, he’s a blue through and through. I heard his kids actually support Everton even though he was managing Liverpool. It’s going to be great when he goes back to Anfield and Everton finally win there.”
Rafael Benitez was not the most popular appointment when he crossed the Merseyside threshold from Liverpool to Everton – especially after the “small club” comments he has made about them in the past. His signings so far haven’t been the most inspiring either, picking up the likes of Demarai Gray and Andros Townsend, who were popular players last time he was managing the Premier League, not so much anymore. But a 3-1 win against a Southampton side having a fire sale on all good players has certainly endeared him a little more to the Goodison Park faithful. He’ll need to do plenty more than that though.